THE BEST JOKES IN THE WORLD!

A man walks into a pet store,
And spots a parrot priced way high,
Curious, he asks, “Why is this bird so costly?”
“This parrot is very special,” says the clerk,
“If you lift its right leg, it sings a hymn,
And if you lift its left leg, it recites a psalm.”
Impressed, the man thinks, “What if I lift both legs?”
Suddenly the parrot squawks from the back,
“You’ll drop me, you fool!”

THE BEST JOKES OF PEPITO!

Hello? Yes!
Hi, sweetheart! Is mommy near the phone?
No, mommy’s upstairs in bed with Uncle Roberto.
But darling, you don’t have an Uncle Roberto!
Yes, I do! He’s in bed with mommy,
and he told me not to disturb them for a bit.
Okay, here’s what I want you to do:
Put the phone down on the table,
run upstairs to mommy’s room,
knock on the door, and yell
that daddy’s car is coming into the garage!
Okay, dad! Wait a minute!
A few minutes later, the little girl returns to the phone.
Daddy, guess what happened?
Mommy got so nervous, she jumped out of bed,
was running around screaming,
tripped on the rug, hit her head,
and now she’s lying on the floor and isn’t moving!
And what about Uncle Roberto?
He jumped out of bed, scared silly,
leaped through the back window into the pool,
and since the pool was empty…
well, he isn’t moving either!
Sorry, are you my daughter Mariana?
No, you have the wrong number!

THE MOST VIRAL JOKES OF THE YEAR

Pepito asked his dad, “Dad, I need to talk to you.”
His dad replied, “What is it, son?”
Pepito hesitantly said, “I heard I was adopted.”
His dad chuckled and said, “Well, yes.”
Pepito exclaimed, “I want to meet my biological parents!”
His dad sighed, “Son, we are your biological parents.”
Confused, Pepito asked, “Then why did you adopt me?”
His dad smiled, “Because we were looking for the best available model!”

The Best Jokes of the Month

Two men were rushing through the supermarket.
“Excuse me, sir, I’m looking for my wife!”
“What a coincidence! I’m desperate to find mine too!”
“Well, maybe I can help you. What does she look like?”
“She’s tall, with light brown hair,
well-toned legs, a lovely figure,
and a stunning smile. In short, very beautiful!”
“Forget about mine!
Let’s just go find yours!”

THE BEST JOKES OF PEPITO!

One night, Messi and Ronaldo were chatting,
talking about life and football.
After a while, Ronaldo asked,
“Hey Messi, do you think there’s football in heaven?”
Messi replied, “I don’t know, but I imagine there is.
Jesus must be playing it beautifully!”
Ronaldo said, “You know what? Let’s make a deal.
The first one who dies will come back as a ghost
and tell the other if there’s football or not.”
A few days later, things got tough for Messi in Miami,
so he passed away.
That night, he appeared to Ronaldo, just like they planned.
“Hey Ronaldo, who’s there?”
“It’s me, Messi!”
Ronaldo gasped, “Oh no! Tell me, is there football up there?”
Messi grinned, “I have good news and bad news.”
“What’s the good news?” asked Ronaldo.
“Yes, there is football up there!”
“And what’s the bad news?”
“Tomorrow, you’re playing as striker!”

There Are Priorities Hahaha…

Two old men walk into the dentist’s office.
“Doctor, I’m in a hurry!
My friends are waiting for me to watch the soccer game!”
“I don’t have time to wait for anesthesia!
Forget the anesthesia and just pull it out!”
The dentist gasps, “My God,
this must be a very brave man,
asking to have his tooth pulled with no pain relief!
Which tooth are we pulling, sir?”
The old man turns and shouts,
“Honey, open your mouth and show him!”

There Once Was a Mother-in-Law

Once there was a mother-in-law so mean,
So incredibly mean, that when she passed away,
They placed a tombstone that read, “Here lies her rest,”
But at home? Well, peace was a distant guest!

Crazy Jokes

Two crazy guys are crawling down the street,
one behind the other on all fours.
The one in the back holds a candle,
staring intently at the rear of the one in front.
A passerby stops and asks, “What are you guys doing?”
“We’re trying to find out what color farts are!”
“Oh really? And what color are they?”
“I don’t know, but every time he lets one rip,
my candle goes out!”

The Best Jokes of the Month

When a man goes to the dentist to have a tooth pulled,
he panics at the sight of the needle.
“No needles, please! I have a fear of those!”
The dentist replies, “Alright, how about some gas?”
The man gasps, “No way! I can’t stand that mask on my face!”
So the dentist leaves and comes back with a tiny pill.
“Just swallow this, you’ll be fine!”
The man thinks, “No problem with pills!”
Then he realizes, “Hey, is this one of those blue pills for seniors?”
“Why did you give me that?” he asks nervously.
“Oh, that’s just in case you need something to hold onto
when I pull your tooth out without anesthesia!”

THE BEST JOKES IN THE WORLD!

A man walked over to visit his friend Juan,
and Juan greeted him,
“Welcome, Paco! Make yourself comfortable,
I’ll just clean a bit before we sit down.”
Paco raised an eyebrow and asked,
“Why are you cleaning? Where’s your wife to help?”
Juan chuckled,
“She’s sleeping like a queen right now,
so I’m taking the chance to tidy up.
What a lazy woman you have!”
Paco replied.
“Lazy? No way! My wife works hard,
just like me! She wakes up early,
earns her own money,
buys her own things,
and doesn’t wait for me to hand her cash.
She helps with our expenses and cleaning,
and sometimes, even treats me!”
“How can you say all that?
I don’t lift a finger at home,
it’s all my wife. That’s her job!”
Paco laughed.
“No, no! It’s our responsibility together,
and I love spoiling her,
‘cause she works super hard too!
Sometimes I wonder why she’s with me,
she’s so sweet, independent,
gorgeous, charismatic, and a hard worker!
But then I remember,
she loves me and I love her back!
Being responsible at home
doesn’t just build a loving space,
it leaves a legacy of values
for the ones we care about.
That’s it for today, friends,
thanks for sticking around until the end!”